


Initialed

by RascalJoy (DarkQuill)



Category: Avengers (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Team Bonding?, strangeness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 15:52:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4793453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkQuill/pseuds/RascalJoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a night off at Stark Tower, Tony discovers that there is much more to peoples' initials than meets the eye... At least as far as trolling his teammates is concerned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Initialed

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 1-5-15
> 
> Rated K+ for allusions to swear words and crude humor.

For the first time in not ever, the Avengers had gathered in Stark Tower to do something other than destroy stuff (oh, and save the world). That is to say, have a Movie Night, involving lots of drinks, junk food, and...unusual games. (It takes a long time to play Spin The Bottle if there's only one girl, who has been known to knock the guys out in the closet before escaping through the air vent.)

After much arguing and a little fist fight, they had finally settled on a movie. That is to say, three movies. Almost nine hours later, the credits began rolling up the screen in the seemingly endless sea of black with tiny white lettering, marking the end of their _Lord of the Rings_ marathon. Hey, they had time. Well, Tony _may_ have disabled all communicators, but that's beside the point.

"Well," Clint said slowly. "That was...interesting."

Tony smirked. "Glad you think so, Legolas. Personally, a little too...outdated for my taste."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Gee, never would have guessed."

"Have you ever noticed how some people have really weird initials?" Tony went on, undeterred. "Like that guy, Peter Jackson. He's a walking pair of PJs."

"How can he be a pair if there's only one of him?" Clint asked.

Tony shrugged. "You know what I mean. And that guy, Ian McKellen. IM, as in Instant Messaging."

"Is there a point to all this, Stark?" Natasha demanded.

Tony grinned, slowly reaching up to point a finger at Captain America. "Steve Rogers: SR. Aka, Senior. That's too perfect for words!"

Natasha slapped him. "That's mean."

"You know," Clint said, "age wise, he's technically the youngest."

Tony stared at him. "No way. How old are you, Capsicle?"

Steve looked slightly uncomfortable. "Um...24?"

Tony gaped at him. "So...not...fair..." He clapped his mouth shut. "But, you were frozen in ice for seventy years, making you technically 94." He crossed his arms firmly. "My point still stands."

"Whatever, Stark," Natasha sighed.

"Aha!" Tony cried, twirling a finger at her. "Your turn!"

"NR," Clint supplied, ignoring the sharp glare from the only female.

"Not rated," Tony suggested, smirking mischievously.

Natasha shrugged. "That's actually better than some of the other things you could have come up with."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Really? Like what?"

Natasha smirked at him. "Now wouldn't you like to know."

"Nuclear Reactor? Never Red? Nails—Ah!"

The last exclamation was brought about as Natasha whacked the not-so-iron man over the head.

"Ow," he mumbled. Clearing his throat at the strained faces of his team, he hastened to change the subject: "Clint Barton. CB?"

There was silence as the team contemplated.

"I can't think of anything," Tony admitted.

"Citizen's Band," Steve announced suddenly.

Everyone stared at him.

Steve colored slightly. "It's a radio. They're kind of like today's walkie talkies," he explained. "They were starting the production process just before I...you know."

There was a short silence.

Then, Tony nodded slowly. "I can live with that."

"How about Chicago Bears?" Banner said.

"Ooh, ooh!" Tony cried, waving his hand like a little child. "Chasti—"

"Say it, and I'll rip that arc reactor right out of your chest," Clint hissed.

Tony froze, slowly lowering his hand. "Fine."

Anxious to be out of the spotlight, Clint glanced around the room. "Bruce Banner! BB?"

"Beast Boy!" Tony crowed.

Everyone stared at him strangely.

"Who is Beast Boy?" Steve asked slowly.

Tony huffed at the blank looks given him. "Come on, guys. The little green guy who cracks the stupid jokes and can change into any animal he wants?"

He was met with blank stares.

"Teen Titans, go?!"

More stares.

"You guys need to get a life."

" _You_ need to get a life," Clint corrected. "And from the sounds of it, Beast Boy is more...you."

Tony glared at him. "I resent that."

"Billiard Balls," Natasha said.

Everyone stared at her.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"Baby Bail," Tony smirked.

Banner sighed. "Is it too much to ask for you to stop?"

"Yes," Clint and Tony agreed simultaneously.

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, rubbing tiredly at the corners of his eyes. "That's what I thought."

"What would our team be?" Tony said, deciding to let his science bro temporarily off the hook. "You know, Avengers Assemble? That's two A's, right? If we can think of one more, we'll be an insurance company. How 'bout, Avengers Assemble Awesomely? Or Anthony's Avengers Assemble? Or—"

"How 'bout this?" Clint interrupted. "SHUT. As in, Shut the Heck Up, Tony."

Tony spread his arms. "How am I the only mature one in here?"

"Actually, I would have to say, if anyone, you're the only _immature_ one here," Banner said.

Tony gaped at him. "But...but I thought we were bros! How could you betray me?"

Bruce shrugged. "Sorry, Tony. I'm just calling it like it is."

"That hurts," Tony sniffed, thudding a hand to his arc reactor. "Right here."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "And, of course he pointed to the only not-human part of his body. Way to go, Stark."

"Wait," Clint said slowly. "You're Anthony Stark? Your initials are AS?"

Tony gave him a suspicious glance. "Yes. Why?"

"Your middle name wouldn't happen to be Stewart, would it?"

Tony blinked. "That was mature."

Natasha smirked. "Very. And what _is_ your middle name, Stark?"

"Howard," he sneered. "Duh."

"So AHS," Clint concluded. "Kind of like that sound all those girls make when you look at them."

Tony grinned. "That I can live with, though I'd go for Astute Scientist, myself. Or Awesomely Single. Or After Se—"

"So what would Fury be?" Clint interrupted. "NF, right?"

Tony smirked. "No Fu—"

"Language," Natasha hissed.

"—unk," he finished. Tony raised an eyebrow at her. "Since when did you care?"

"Since just now," she said.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Fine, _mother_. Got another idea?"

Natasha considered this. "Non-Fiction."

Tony blinked. "What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

"Nuclear Factor," Clint suggested, a smile quirking at the corners of his mouth.

"Nasty Factor?" Steve said hesitantly. "You know, in baseball?"

"New Frontier!" Tony crowed, catching on.

Banner couldn't stop the smile. "Nutrition Facts."

"Never Fair," Clint chortled.

"Nursing Facility," Steve added.

"No Fun!" Tony cried.

"Never Flee!"

"Necromancer Feet." ("What the heck does that mean?")

"Nirvana Fail."

"Nitrogen Fart!" ("Seriously, Stark?")

"Nut Free," Natasha said firmly.

That was the last straw: all of the Avengers (minus Banner, who simply grinned) completely cracked up, unable to hold the laughter back any longer.

"I fail to see what is amusing," came a new voice, instantly quelling any thoughts of hilarity as the team turned, wide-eyed, to the door.

Director Nick Fury stood in the doorway, his one visible eye glaring viciously at them, arms crossed firmly over his black leather jacket. "Mission briefing, ten minutes," he snapped. "Don't be late."

And with a swirl of his coat tails, he stalked back out the door.

"See?" Tony stage-whispered. "No Fun."

"I heard that," called Fury, causing everyone to flinch. "And for the record..." His head poked around the door frame. "I think I'm hilarious."

And then he was gone.

There was a moment of silence.

"Phil Coulson," Tony said slowly. "PC."

Natasha whacked him across the head. "Shut up, Stark."


End file.
